In reality, what is life anyway? The truth is that what we call and regard as our lives is never ours, it is a borrowed commodity and one day, the owner will ask for it back and there is nothing anyone can do to resist the return of life to its owner and originator. That aside, whose life are we all living? Before you are quick to say “my life”, consider the following points.
a. Why did you get out of bed this morning, and in all of the hundred of reasons, which one of them is purely, solely and completely determined, dependent, absolutely and unequivocally because of you and your decision.
b. How many people have you seen, talked to, phoned, emailed, passed by, demanded or giving things, explanation, excuse, reasons, space etc to today, and why did you do all these; again is it purely, solely and completely determined, dependent, absolutely and unequivocally because of you, your decision and for you?
c. Think of all the people you have ever met in you life, if you are to recover the amount of yourself, time, energy and resources spent on them, for them and with them, where it was not a choice that you made but was made with or without your consent or consultation, how much of life – your life will that amount to?
d. Even as you are reading this article, are you reading it because you want to or because I put it in front of your face? You may say “well, I choose to read it, so it’s my decision and choice”. That is true but the fact is I made you to make that choice and decision by exposing you to the article.
My point is that most of the things we call and regard as our choice and decision are really not, because every minute of the day, somebody is either spending our life or making us spend it for them, with them or on them. But I guess that is what life is all about!!! So, the question is “whose life is it”? Which leads me to the second part of this article, SPACE.
What is space?
There are different definitions for the word space depending on what and how it relates to its usage. But here are some that relate to what we are looking at in this article.
a. The unlimited or incalculably great three-dimensional realm or expanse in which all-material objects are located and all events occur.
b. The illusion of depth on a two-dimensional surface. c. Any geographic, cultural, or mythical location, whether supplied by fictional texts, historical locations, or futuristic projections. Space in other words is what you make or call it.
But the real question here is why do we all need space?
* Is it to spread our “wings”?
* To get away from other people or things?
* Does it represent loneliness?
* Is it a sign or confirmation of emptiness?
* Or perhaps, a journey of self-discovery, appreciation and reflection?
Whatever space represents to you, there is no denying that we all need it and crave for it. The black bird from this morning in my opinion was in its “space” to discover, appreciate and reflect on who or what it is and then use that experience to spread its wings and soar above all of its life’s challenges and circumstances, I also believe that the bird in its mind needed all that vast empty and quiet field to do that because that was how much space it required to be able to reflect what it felt on the inside. May be, just maybe that is what you and I should do, – just a thought!
Unfortunately, we have all been conditioned to think there is something wrong in you or with you for craving space. We think we need all these other things, people, events, and paraphernalia to be happy and be ourselves. However good, desirable and admirable all these are, the deepest yearning, craving and sometimes screaming that we hear and experience on the inside is that of space; space to ourselves and by ourselves. So, what is stopping you, just like that black bird this morning, just do it!
The third leg of this article is to do with perhaps the closest thing to all of us – family and friends! The family aspect is the easier of the two, you are part of a family whether you like them or not is irrelevant, so that is almost giving and accepted. Let us look at “friends”. Friends have become part and parcel of our daily existence and while some are closer than blood families, some friendships make you to conclude, “If these are my friends, then I don’t need enemies”. However, the focus here is not about them, rather its about you and me. After my encounter with that black bird this morning, I started asking myself series of questions but the one question that I could not adequately and satisfactory answer was “Tunde, who are your friends”?
Let me start by saying to those who don’t know me, I am a very friendly, outgoing, kind and generous person! (I can say so myself)! I am not without people around me and some of them we have shared lives together, raised our families together, do business, work, travel, eat, drink and play together for years. For some, we have believed God together and see the things come to pass in our lives, share dreams and even vowed to always be together, come what may. Most of these people are still around and about my life just as I am around about theirs. But the question I was asking myself this morning was, what is the true meaning and essence of friendship?
Friendship in this instance is not about your everyday neighbour, work colleague, business associate, schoolmates, sport club acquaintances, or even fraternity membership. Somebody once said; “true friends are like Angels, you may never see them physically, but you always know they are there with and for you”. This is the type of friendship that I am talking about. How do you define or qualify true friends? The simple answer to this is found in the MOTIVE for the friendship or how it has grown, develops and most importantly practicalised or demonstrated.
True friendship is not based on how many times you phone or see each other in a week, the number and value of businesses that you do together, the trips – holiday or business that you take together in a year, the amount you lend and borrow from each other, the fact that you share the same alma matta, wear the same fraternity badge or symbol, attend the same church, being god parents to each other’s children etc. No, no, no!!!
True friendship is based primarily on what and how you feel, think, see and carry each other in your heart. And because true friendship is a heart matter, it is very difficult to judge or quantify. If you are truly and genuinely somebody’s friend, you will know it but more important, they will know it too. True friendship is like being in love, you know you are in love, but mostly don’t know why, because if you know why, the moment that reason becomes weak or absent, the relationship is over.
To be continued…