One of the most important challenges facing every good man who wants to be better is to know exactly what he’s committed to. Without a clear understanding of what is acceptable and what is not, a man is likely to find himself going down a path of compromise, resentment and despair. So, what’s a better man to do? Find his N.U.T.s and maintain a firm grasp.
N.U.T.s are your Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms. N.U.T.s are the things you’re committed to, the things that matter more than anything else: your kids, your career, your primary relationships, yourself, your purpose, your spiritual practice, your hobbies, your integrity, your morals and your psychological well-being.
N.U.T.s are the boundaries that define you as man and when repeatedly compromised, will gradually but assuredly turn you into a resentful man who will likely blame others for your unhappiness. Your N.U.T.s are uniquely yours. They reflect who you are as a man and the man you want to be. Compromise your N.U.T.s, and you’ll compromise yourself. Compromise yourself too often, and you’ll become an extremely unhappy man, husband and father.
In order to find your N.U.Ts, here are some of the questions you’ll want to ask yourself:
- What’s most important to me in life?
- Are there activities I used to do for fun that I no longer do? Is someone interfering and am I resentful because of it?
- Are there valuable friendships with men I’ve let slip away?
- Where am I currently having problems (unhappy, frustrated, sad, angry, resentful) in my life, and did compromising myself—and what’s important to me—contribute to my feelings and/or the situation?
- What dreams have I abandoned?
- If I’m going to be the man I want to be, what will I have to do differently?
Once you find your N.U.T.s, never forget them and never compromise them.