The Reality of Perfectionism


While perfectionism is commonly seen as believing you want to be perfect or perhaps the obsession of wanting something to be exactly right, being a perfectionist can manifest in other subtle ways. Here are few questions to ask yourself to find out if you are a perfectionist. Do you:

  • Have to check something just one more time, “just in case”?
  • Procrastinate with the thought that it isn’t the perfect time to start something?
  • Always be the first person to spot a mistake?

The problem is that perfectionism secretly pulls you down. It stirs your doubt and fear, and generally makes progress much slower than it should be or it completely stops you in your tracks. You might not realize just how much it’s been stalling or holding you back from making progress in your life.

Perfectionism is more than pushing yourself to do your best to achieve a goal; it’s a reflection of an inner self mired in anxiety. Perfectionism is born out of uneasiness, concern and doubt rather than a simple basic want to do things well. While some people take mistakes as a lesson but perfectionists see them as personal flaws. They mentally beat themselves up and feel that sense of failure – the same fear of failure that perfectionism stems from.

Another source of perfectionism is the issue of ego. Many people want things to be perfect because they have a mind-set of caring what other people will think of them – that they’ll be judged negatively if something isn’t up to a certain standard. Childhood experiences can also allow perfectionism to evolve in your personality especially if you’ve learnt from a parent or guardian that you somehow can’t be lovable if you’re not perfect. This transcends into your way of thinking throughout work and relationships into adulthood. And of course, the restricted rules during your education years can teach you at a young age that following rules is important and it is to your detriment if you’re to break them in any way or not live up to them.

Many people take comfort in being a perfectionist but it’s a common myth that perfectionism creates perfection. One downside is the time wasted on making something seemingly perfect and actually causes you to become less productive. Spending more time on something can often be an illusion – we think we’re improving something but that time isn’t necessarily quality time and could be hindering your performance.

How to Change Your Perfectionist Mind set

Abandon the “All or Nothing” Mind set

A common mind-set when it comes to perfectionism is either you want to do something well or not at all. But the problem with this is in denying the importance of the process. Achieving greatness comes from the experience and insights gained from this process allowing you the chance to tune and apply these for future success. This inadvertently reduces the chance of failure overall despite what the perfectionist mind may try hard to deny.

Keep in Mind the 80/20

The 80/20 rule is a good one to keep in mind – only 20% of your efforts can amount to 80% of the results. Any more than this isn’t going to make a huge difference plus it gives you that leeway to tune up the details at a later date.

Actively Ask For Positive Feedback

Feedback is every perfectionist’s worst nightmare and while getting both positive and negative feedback is the ideal, this is something a perfectionist would struggle with already being aware of shortcomings and inadequacies. Therefore, asking for positive feedback on a regular basis can help counteract this and get the mind used to a balance of opinion.

Sort Out The “Must Haves” From the “Good To Haves”

Before you start any project, make sure you create a list of the ‘must haves’ and the ‘good to haves’Make the ‘must haves’ an absolute priority and only include the ‘good to haves’ if time and cost allows.

Set Realistic Goals

Setting unrealistic goals is a definite trait of a perfectionist and ends up causing feelings of inadequacy because they can be hard to achieve. Having goals is a wonderful thing but raising the bar too high can create feelings of unmotivated and lack. So harvest that desire to improve yourself by all means, but not to the point of making yourself feel less.

#BecomeaBetterMan

 

 

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BECOME A BETTER MAN – (PLAY)


“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”George Bernard Shaw

 When was the last time you played just for playing sake?

For most people, the answer to that question will be “not since I was a little child”. Adults around the world are flocking to the playgrounds of their childhoods in search of relaxation and release. Not surprisingly, an entire cottage industry has subsequently sprouted up to help them satiate their inner child.

  • In Brooklyn, an adult preschoollets office workers and executives participate in arts and crafts, and re-enact schoolyard favourites like “show and tell.”
  • In the United Kingdom, a design studio opened a ball pitjust for grown-ups
  • While laughter clubsin India offer a form of both spiritual and physical exercise for disgruntled citizens.
  • And recently, the two best-selling books on Amazon were “adult colouring books

Research has shown that people of all ages benefit from unstructured play time as a respite from the grind of daily life. Play can relieve stress, boost creativity, improve brain function, and improve our relationships with other people by fostering trust with others  and a lack of play time is seen as a major health obstacle for children and adult. Playing is on the decline  and that has negative consequences for kids and adults alike. For instance, since about 1955, children’s free play has been in continuous decline, partly because adults have exerted ever-increasing control over children’s activities, and over the same period that play has declined, the mental health of children and adolescents has also declined. So, by abandoning play, we’re abandoning an important part of ourselves. Play isn’t just important for kids,  it’s beneficial to our society. It’s time for adults to take it seriously, both for their sake and for their children.

There are three main characteristics that must be met:

  1. It’s voluntary in the sense that you’re not obligated to do it.
  2. It’s flexible and can be changed or manipulated, like Play-Doh for your life.
  3. It is enjoyable and fun.

When you think about it, there’s not enough of enjoyment and joy in our lives these days because:

  • It’s a problem of our modern, work-obsessed society:
  • We’ve lost play in the hustle and bustle of our lives.
  • We spend our time between our jobs, our kids, being on Twitter and Facebook to catch the current trends.

Why is play so important for childhood development?

  • First, play doesn’t have consequences in the same way that real life does:
  • When we want to blow off steam, this is the way we do it without having trouble.
  • Play is how children explore the world around them and themselves.
  • It helps give children the capacity to make decisions, to solve problems, to build and experiment and transform.
  • More generally, for both children and adults, it really gives us a chance to build our imagination.

It is during playing that the fantastic becomes real, the real becomes fantastic and we can try out a new hypothesis without consequence.

This one thing that we’ve lost in our society is the understanding that exploration, understanding, and creative thinking is what got us to where we are, that’s how we invented the car and the air plane. It’s because we had people who weren’t afraid to try out ideas and fail along the way and have the grit to stick with it — and learning that comes from play.

Does this change as we get older?

Play matters, no matter how old you are. The only thing that has changed is the stigma. We associate play with childhood, and therefore associate playing with childishness. Think about the world we live in, you’re supposed to answer your emails within 30 seconds, or you’re considered negligent. If somebody asks “How are you?” the appropriate answer is “busy.” It also doesn’t help that we basically have a sedentary nation. Some say sitting is the new cancer. We’re not an active nation anymore. People do better when they’re acting and moving rather than just sitting and staring. A lot of play has become centred on screens. Technology has taken over a lot of our loose attention. It is part of the sitting phenomenon, we are constantly facing a screen.

The Benefits of Play for Adults

By giving yourself permission to play with the joyful abandonment of childhood, you can reap the myriad of health benefits throughout life such as:

  • Relieve stress
  • Improve brain function
  • Stimulate the mind and boost creativity
  • Improve relationships and your connection to others.
  • Keep you feeling young and energetic

“THE DEFINITION OF ADULT DOES NOT STATE YOU CANNOT PLAY ANYMORE, AND THE DEFINITION OF PLAY DOES NOT STATE IT IS ONLY FOR CHILDREN.”