Personal Boundaries

Personal boundaries are the mental, emotional, and physical walls we create to protect ourselves from being used, manipulated, or violated by others

#babm #PersonalBoundaries #PersonalBoundryIsReal

Signs You Have Poor Personal Boundaries

•You fail to speak up when you’re treated badly

•You give away too much of your time or You feel guilty for dedicating time to yourself

•You agree with a person when you actually feel like disagreeing or You say “yes” to a person when you want to say “no” •You feel taken for granted by others.

•You permit people to touch you when you feel uncomfortable or want them to stop

•You have toxic relationships i.e. you are always giving, and the other is always taking

•You make too many grand sacrifices for others at your own expense and You constantly feel like the victim

•You are passive aggressive and might have manipulative tendencies (as a way of trying to regain your lost power)

•You feel like you have to “earn” respect by being nice

•You over-share details about your life with others

•You feel guilty when others aren’t happy as if you’re responsible even when you are not responsible

•You are what other people want/need you to be, and not who YOU need to be •You’re out of touch with your needs

•You attract people who try to control or dominate you

•You have chronic fear about what others think of you

Self Reflection

An un-examined Life isn’t worth Living

When we fail to reflect on our lives, we lose perspective, get caught up in things that don’t matter, and often lose sight of the things that are most important.

Self-Reflection is a deeper form of learning that allows you to retain every aspect of any experience, be it personal or professional instead of just remembering that it happened.

• why something took place,
• what the impact was,
• whether it should happen again

It’s the process of diving deep into your thoughts, emotions and motivations and determining the great, “Why” behind them.

#babm #SelfReflection

Be Yourself – Embrace Your Uniqueness

Use your uniqueness to Make a Difference in Your Life and the World. If there’s ever been a time to celebrate our uniqueness and the uniqueness of others, it’s now because our world needs it. We can be unique and united.

The Good thing about Failure

“It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.” — J.K. Rowling

Why Failure is so Important

Failure, big or small is an important and necessary part of life, even though it hurts and that is why many people will not admit to it. Failure alters the landscape of your life, finances, relationship, and self-worth.

And, if you’re anything like me, then you’ve also most likely failed many times over. I can’t say that I particularly enjoy failing, but failure, through its life-altering lessons. Failure is a great teacher; it can chip away at all the excess around you, mould and shape you for your future; failure makes you into a better person.

Failure teaches you compassion, empathy, kindness, and great achievement that you could be less likely to reach for. It’s through failure that you learn the greatest lessons that life could teach but you will miss the lessons if you can only see failure as a negative life experience. Every form of failure leaves you with emotional turmoil and upset, agonizing pangs of guilt, regret, and remorse. But those that have known true failure and have bounced back from it understand that failure in life is necessary for success.

If you try to go through life without failing at anything, maybe you’re not really living a life at all because taking risks and failing is part of life; it makes you into who we are. In fact, the most successful people in life have failed many times too. No parent stops their child from falling when they are learning to walk, which is a type of failure. Rather, they will celebrate every attempt, every slight movement and rejoice over the first step of the child. But why isn’t failure at other things treated this way?

Unfortunately, society celebrates successes without highlighting the epic journeys towards such success that are filled with trials, tribulations, upsets, setbacks, and failures because it’s not as glamorous to talk about those things.

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” — Michael Jordan

Benefits of Failure

Failure can become a stepping stone if you allow it to teach you these life lessons.

1.    Experience

When you go through something that you cannot walk away from, you gain the first-hand experience which is something truly invaluable that helps you to develop a deeper understanding of life. It alters your frame-of-mind, makes you reflect on the real nature and importance of things, transforming and improving your future-selves.

2.    Knowledge

Failure brings important first-hand knowledge that can be harnessed in the future to overcome that very failure that inflicted so much pain in the first place. Nothing can replace the knowledge gained from failure. When Thomas Edison famously failed nearly 10,000 times to create a commercially viable electric lightbulb, with each failure, he gained the knowledge of just one more avenue that didn’t work. It was the accumulated knowledge developed from nearly 10,000 failed attempts that ultimately led to his success.

3.    Resilience

Failing in life helps to build resilience. In order to achieve great success, you must learn resilience. If you think you’re going to succeed on the first try, or even the first few tries, you’re sure to set yourself up for a far more painful failure. Resilience helps to breed success by setting the game up to win. Gone are the lofty expectations that things will happen overnight and that expectations that true success will take an enormous amount of work and effort.

4.    Growth

When you fail, you grow and mature as human beings. You reach deeper meanings and understandings about your life and why you’re doing the things that you’re doing. This helps you to reflect and take things into perspective, and develop meaning from painful situations.

Life is designed for you to grow and improve. From the very genetic fibres that make you into who we are as individual persons, into the fabric of society on a global scale, growth is a fundamental part of you, and without growth, you couldn’t improve life on every front.

5.    Value

One of the biggest lessons that we can learn from life’s failures is the necessity to create and spread an exceedingly high amount of value because value lies at the heart of success and a lack of value is a fundamental pillar to failure. In thinking about your past failures;

•  Think about how much value you brought to the table.
• Could you have offered more value?
• Would that have prevented failure?

When you learn to create immense value and do so consistently, you will eventually succeed.

#failureisnotallbad #prideinstitute #lifelessonsfromfailure

Tactics – Game Plan

TACTICS – Life Lessons from the Beautiful Game Have a Game Plan – A strategy on what you want and don’t want, a formation rather than your usual approach. Come prepared, don’t be a one-dimensional player & avoid self preservation style.

Engaging the Hower of Hope

Giving back to Society

CHARITY ORGANISATIONS AND CHARITY COMMISSION INQUIRY

The Charity Commission is the government department that regulates and maintains the Central Register of registered charities in England and Wales. The Charity Commission answers directly to the UK Parliament rather than to Government ministers.

Charities are custodians of trust and are therefore legally bound by Charity Commissions’ rules and regulations of operating, management, governance and reporting as detailed in the Charity Commission’s website and in charity’s trust deeds. Many charities are failing to pay attention to and adhere to these rules and are therefore being caught in the commission’s scrutiny and inquiry nets. While these are in some cases due to ignorance, negligent and oversight, the law requires certain standards to be met and adhere to as registered and operating charity organisation. In the public interest, the Charity Commission usually releases a public statement whenever it opens a statutory inquiry into a charity and publishes a report of the inquiry.

The common trend of what charities are being audited and investigated for are avoidable and in some cases require minor internal control and procedural adjustments. These includes but not limited to:

• The administration, governance and management of the charity by the trustees
• Timely preparation and submission of accounting and returns information
• Conflicts of interests and transactions with connected parties
• Adherence to safeguarding policies and procedures.
• Misconduct or mismanagement in the administration of the charity and/or breaches of trust or non-compliance with charity law
• Insufficient oversight and control of the charity, especially with regards to its assets by trustees
• Ensuring that the charity is operating in accordance with the provisions of its governing document and exclusively for charitable purposes
• Management and oversight of staff, use of the charity’s premises and safeguarding procedures by trustees
• Failure to submit annual report and accounts to the commission when the charity’s gross income is over £25,000.00 per annum.
• Fraudulent Gift Aid claims or administration.

In most cases, it is an issue of not knowing what to do, where to go or who to turn to especially before it becomes an open inquiry or just at the first instance that a charity receives the inquiry notification from the Charity Commission. But now, there is a solution; The Administrator International is a consultancy organisation with years of experience in dealing with and managing charity inquiry affairs on behalf of clients and representing them before Charity Commission.

The Administrator International specialises in setting up systems, structures and operations for charity and other not-for-profit organisations and can also carry out “health checks” on existing systems to identify gaps and recommend control or corrective measures. We also provide trainings for Trustees, Management and Staff, Leaders and Volunteers and other statutory obligatory requirements like safeguarding, fire, health and safety etc.

For more information on how we can assist your organisation in these and other areas, call The Administrator International for an initial conversation on 07853 060 707, email info@the-administrator.org or visit our website at www.the-administrator.org

 

 

Developing Mental Strength

Mental toughness is the ability to regulate your emotions, manage your thoughts, and behave in a positive manner, despite your circumstances.  It is a measure of your resilience and confidence and it is more than just willpower; it requires hard work and commitment, establishing healthy habits and choosing to devote your time and energy to self-improvement. Mental toughness allows you to make decisions that others might not have the courage or wherewithal to undertake.

Although it’s easier to feel mentally strong when life seems simple, but true mental strength becomes most apparent during tragedy, setback or disappointment. But choosing to develop skills that increase your mental strength is the best way to prepare for life’s inevitable obstacles. It is wisdom to prepare before the challenge or test of life come knocking; so, here are few tips that can help you develop your mental strength.

1. Embrace Change.

Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Your biggest fear should not be of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. Let the environment of change and uncertainty energize and strengthen you mentally and bring out their best in you because it forces you to be resourceful.

2. Stop Worrying About Pleasing Others.

Are you a people pleaser? Or do you go out of your way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. You should strive to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but don’t be afraid to speak up. Mental strength helps you to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset, so learn to navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.

3. Celebrate Other People’s Success.

It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success. Mental strength helps you to develop this ability. Mentally strong people don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). Use other people’s success as a motivation to work hard for your own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.

4. Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for yourself.

To become mentally strong, you can’t be feeling sorry for your circumstances or dwelling on the way you’ve been mistreated. Rather, learn to take responsibility for your actions and outcomes and understand that sometimes life is not fair. Mental strength will help you to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned.

5. Enjoy Alone Time.

Learn to enjoy and even treasure the time you spend alone. Use your downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, don’t depend on others to shore up your happiness and moods. Determine to be happy with others, but also be happy being alone.

6. Understand that the World Owes you nothing.

Learn to enter the world prepared to work and succeed on your merit at every stage of the game because in the current economy, everybody is gaining the realisation that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package or a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. So be prepared to fight for what you want and desire.

7. Be prepared for the long haul.

Whether it’s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. There is no quick fix or immediate results anywhere. Apply your energy and time in measured doses and celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. Dig deep for a “staying power” and understand that genuine changes takes time.

8. Don’t Waste Energy on Things you Can’t Control.

Mentally strong people don’t complain about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognise that all these factors are generally beyond their control. Safe yourself sweat and heartache by recognising that the one thing you can always control is your own response and attitude.

9. Don’t Dwell on the Past.

There is strength in acknowledging the past especially in the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. Instead invest majority of your energy in creating an optimal present and greater future.

10. Take Calculated Risks.

Be willing to take calculated risks. Learn how to weigh risks and benefits thoroughly, and fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before taking any action. Look before you leap, count the cost before you set out. The more calculated risks that you take and come out successfully, the bolder and stronger you will become at spotting risks and taking even better calculated risks.

11. Evaluate Your Core Beliefs

What are your Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms (NUTs)? These are the beliefs about yourself, your life and the world in general that have been developed over time mostly from past experiences. Whether you’re aware of your core beliefs or not, they influence your thoughts, your behaviour and emotions. Negative core beliefs can be inaccurate and unproductive and if not checked can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Identify and evaluate your core beliefs and where necessary modify them purposefully and intentionally with hard work, it can change the entire course of your life.

12. Practice Tolerating Discomfort

Some discomfort is often necessary for greater gain, and tolerating them will help make your vision a reality, one small step at a time. Being mentally strong doesn’t mean you don’t experience emotions rather, it helps you to become acutely aware of your emotions and make the best choice about how to respond. Mental strength is about accepting your feelings without being controlled by them.

It involves knowing when it makes sense to behave contrary to your emotions like stepping out of your comfort zone to challenge yourself. Tolerating uncomfortable emotions takes practice, but it becomes easier as your confidence grows.

13. Expend Your Mental Energy Wisely

Ruminating about things you can’t control drains your mental energy. The more you think about negative problems that you can’t solve, the less energy you will have leftover for creative endeavours. Focus on what is only within your control, save your mental energy for productive tasks, such as solving problems or setting goals. When your thoughts aren’t productive, make a conscious effort to shift your mental energy to more helpful topics. The more you practice expending your mental energy wisely, the more it will grow and become a habit.

14. 14. Reflect on Your Progress Daily

Create time to reflect on your progress toward developing mental strength by asking yourself what you’ve learned about your thoughts, emotions and behaviour at the end of each day. Consider what you hope to improve upon from today and accomplish tomorrow. Developing mental strength is a work in progress, there will be times when it seems more difficult than others, but by reflecting upon your progress daily, you can reinforce your ability to reach your definition of success while living according to your values.

 

 

SELF-SABOTAGING BEHAVIOURS AND HOW TO OVERCOME THEM

Check yourself before you wreck yourself!

Sometimes we make mistakes because mistakes are inevitable, no matter how much time and thought you put into a plan. Other blunders are the result of laziness, rashness, inflexibility or plain arrogance. Honest mistakes can be costly and are very frustrating, but mindless and avoidable errors are especially very expensive and gut ranching. The knowledge that a misstep could have been avoided is the bane of every thoughtful person.

Usually when plans don’t go well, you point a finger at other people and find someone else to blame. But a thoughtful person owns the mistakes and seeks to learn from them so as to avert them in the future. This often requires honest self-appraisal and internal inspection which eventually will help you to recognize your own thought patterns and change them before they cause bad behaviours or negative results. There are common behavioural patterns that you inflict on yourself and they are forming roadblocks and even insurmountable mountains in your progress and development in life. Over the next few weeks, we shall be looking at 5 of such self-sabotaging behaviours starting this week with “comparing yourself with another person.”

Comparing Yourself to Others

Life and the society are hyper-competitive and can batter and bruise even the healthiest egos. But the damage is exacerbated when you constantly measure yourself by other people’s standards. While it’s undeniably important to be aware of what the competition is doing, but too much focus on others is bad for business and worse for self-confidence. To maximize success, sometimes we must tune out and lock the door to the outside world so as to focus on improving our self.

When you see yourself as your “chief competitor”, and work to better the yesterday’s version of yourself, you will go far and eventually learn to turn a blind eye and deaf ear to illusive rivalries. You have your race to run and you cannot live your life on other people’s agenda and purpose. We are all human beings but your destiny and purpose in life is different. Comparing yourself to others will only make you vain or bitter because your true identity and capability will only be revealed in your lane and purpose.

Comparing yourself with others is an insult to your own being because it limits you to only reaching their level, but when you compete with yourself, you will reach your highest level potential and your best.

Many people cannot look at themselves in the mirror and smile, because on the road to “Rise and Shine”, while comparing themselves to others and living someone else’s life they somehow lost themselves. In order to shine in the eyes of other people, they became blind to themselves. Comparison can easily grow out of objective reasoning to negative thought patterns such as suspicion, judgmental attitude, resentment sadness, self-hatred, envy, bitterness, ungratefulness, and unfriendly rivalry. Each person has a distinctive personality and a unique appearance, and that is what made them special and one of a kind.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

1. Recognize your differences.

Most people compare their weaknesses to other people’s strength! Their insides with others’ outsides; what they haven’t accomplished with what others have – including people who have a huge head start on them!

Whenever you notice yourself comparing yourself with another person, take a moment to remind yourself that you are good enough just as you are, even if you don’t have something you see in those around you such as business success, academic credentials, wonderful home, hot body, celebrity social life or high-achieving kids. They are very likely looking at something you have or do well, and wishing they did, too.

2. Avoid your triggers.

Social media such as Facebook can trigger depression as people compare their lives with those of their increasingly expansive online network of “friends.” But remember, people can photo shop their postings by highlighting the good and leaving out the not-so-pretty parts. So if Facebook feed makes you feel miserable about yourself, then log off or take a social media sabbatical.

3. Focus on your own progress.

Research have shown that the happiest people are not just those who make positive comparisons with others, but include those who don’t make any. Instead, they focus on their efforts to improve themselves. Imagine the difference it would make if you re-channelled all the energy you’ve expended comparing yourself into bettering yourself. You are your ultimate frame of reference, so track yourself against yourself.

4. Admit your envy.

The emotions we don’t own will own us. So if you’re wrestling with the envy, the best way to loosen its grip is to acknowledge and verbalise it. You might feel a bit foolish by admitting you’re jealous of someone else’s success, talents or attributes but having the courage to admit it can be liberating. Not only that, but by having the courage to confide in the person you’re envious of, can forge bonds in ways harbouring hidden envy never can.

5. Get off your own back.

You might think you’re the only person who ever struggles with feeling like you’re constantly falling short of your expectations, but the truth is that many people have made self-criticism an art by habitually focusing on what they haven’t done as well as what they would like rather than on all that they have. Imagine the difference it could make if you focused on what you did well? Imagine how much better you could channel your energy if you weren’t always pulling yourself down and marking yourself wrong.

Also, don’t beat yourself up when you catch yourself making comparisons because it will only fan the “I’m not enough” flames. Instead, try being kinder to yourself; accept your own humanity, fallibility and vulnerability. As a bonus, it makes you more forgiving of others’ failings, too.

The truth is that we all have our own fears to overcome, burdens to carry, gifts to share and lessons to learn. So run your own race and focus on doing the best you can with what you’ve got. The rest will take care of itself.

#BecomeaBetterMan